I prayed for composure but moreover I prayed that God would give me words to use that would compel her to allow me to remain in her life. I got myself together and went back to the table. I told her that I understood what she meant and agreed that I had stepped out of bounds with the letter. I told her I would go as slow as she wanted and I promised that I wouldn’t mention it again so long as we could remain friends.
TO BE CONTINUED…
… She said ok but she was reluctant to give me an inch of hope, for fear of me taking a mile and having her back in the roller coaster next to me too quickly. We went our separate ways and I didn’t call her the next day…or for the next four days. I simply let the whole thing breath, knowing in my heart that she would call eventually. She did call on the 5th day to see if I wanted to “hang out”. I checked my calendar and then jumped in my coaster and rolled over to pick her up…GAME ON!
It didn’t take much for us to be back to normal. Rebecca smiles easily and beautifully therefor I’ve always been very motivated to extract smiles from her. In fact I would say it’s among my very favorite past times and has been since the day we met for coffee. Anyhow, we hung out, mostly with friends nearly everyday again just like before, and just like before I had a nagging feeling that we were wasting time. As the days wore on, I grew less and less content in the dreaded “friend zone”. One night, Rebecca and I went with four or five other friends to see a band called Blues Traveler. They were playing a free show at pier 39 and I was a huge fan. We spread out blankets on the ground and listened to the oral acrobatics of John Popper and his harmonica. If you’ve never heard him, I encourage you to download a song called “The Mountains Win Again”. It’s ironic that we had the good fortune of going to this particular show because that song was important to me at that time related to what I was feeling… well sort of but not really.
"The Mountains Win Again" by Blues Traveler I pick up my smile put it in my pocket Hold it for a while try not to have to drop it Men are not to cry so how am I to stop it Keep it all inside don't show how much she rocked ya Ooh can you feel the same Ooh you gotta love the pain Ooh it looks like rain again Ooh I feel it comin' in The mountains win again The mountains win again Dreams we dreamed at night were never meant to come to life I can't understand the ease she pulled away her hand This time in my life I was hurt enough to care I guess from now on I'll be careful what I share Ooh can you feel the same Ooh ya gotta love the pain Ooh it looks like rain again Yeah feel it comin' in The mountains win again A pocket is no place for a smile anyway Someday I will find love again will blow my mind Maybe it will be that love that got away from me Is there a line to write that could make you cry tonight Can you feel the same Yeah ya gotta love the pain Ooh it looks like rain again Ooh feel it comin' in The mountains win again Ooh the mountains win again
Anyhow…everyone seemed to have disappeared at once to get beverages or go to the bathroom. It was just Rebecca and I sitting indian- style next to one another on the ground, gazing at the stage. I wasn’t paying any attention to her and all of the sudden she moved over and positioned herself in front of me like you would if you were going to get a back rub from a friend. She leaned back and put her head against my chest and she took my arms and wrapped them around her. It was the strangest most wonderful moment. In some ways I felt like we got married twice. Once on May 17th 2002 but 1st on this perfect night several months earlier. We never really spoke of it and never once did we feel the need to have a “relationship status” conversation. We belonged to one another from that day forward. When it was time to walk back to the car, we stood up, she slid her hand into mine and we’ve been hand in hand every second since then. We only dated for a couple months after that. I proposed at a new years party as we rung in 2002 and we put our wedding together as fast as we could. I could write and write about all the nuance that exists in our relationship and how those very things are what produce the magic and I suppose I will write about those things…but not today. This is the story of how John and Rebecca met, and then fell in love, at slightly different times and at different velocities but beautifully all the same. Chasing her early on was good practice because I still chase her, and I still love doing it even if she does have a thing for crazy glasses:)
My other favorite person is Elijah Truman.
The name Elijah means “Yahweh is my God”, and this is our greatest hope for him, that he would grow into a man after God’s heart. If you read in the bible in 1 Kings chapter 18 from verse 21 through verse 34 you can get a sense of the no nonsense kind of faith he had. I have “faith” even though I haven’t seen, but Elijah’s faith is so plain and so sure that it doesn’t seem like “faith” at all but rather a simple belief in something that is true because it is simply true. In the story, he challenges the worshipers of another God. He basically said…”Ok fellas, let’s build a couple alters and put an appropriate sacrifice on each one. You pray to your whatever you call him and I’ll pray to Yahweh and let’s see which God comes to consume the sacrifice.” He has team funny business go first and they pray till they begin loosing their minds and nothing happens. Now it’s his turn, but before he asks God to do the deed, he has a bunch of water poured on the alter so there is no mistake about how able God is to do as he pleases, regardless of the circumstances or seeming impossibility. Finally, instead of getting all silly, he simply asks God to accept his sacrifice and BAM, fire comes from the sky and ignites the sacrifice. It’s like the Babe calling his homer but WAY WAY more awesome!
His middle name is after my brother and best friend, Adam Truman Pack.
Rebecca and I started “trying” to have children after we were married for a couple years. Long story and four years later, we accepted the fact that we probably wouldn’t get pregnant the old fashioned way. It was determined that I shoot blanks-ish. It’s not that I have no “mojo”, I just don’t seem to enough “mojo” to get the deal done….medically speaking of coarse. We started off pretty far apart on the issue. My immediate thought was to lean on modern medicine to assist us, as there are lots of things people in our situation can do. To my surprise, Rebecca wasn’t convinced it was best for us. She explained, and we had talked about it before, that she’s always had a heart for adoption and always hoped that we would adopt one day anyhow so why not now? I said,” because I don’t want to, I want to have a child of our own.” The look on her face when I said that made me immediately wish I would have considered my words before spitting them out. She was hurt by the sharpness in my tone. She began explaining that it would be our child and that we are all adopted by God but I was hearing bla bla bla to be honest. We went back and fourth and I could just see her respect for my reasoning fading away by the second. If I was just making her mad with my position, I probably would have kept my sleeves rolled up and my heels dug in but I wasn’t making her mad…I was making her sad…I was disappointing her. Rebecca has a bit of a short wick when it comes to general frustration but disappointment in me is something that only shows it’s face when I’m way off base with something so I respect it when I sense it. She kept asking me the same question in different ways. The general question was, “why is it that you think it’s better or more gratifying to have a child that we conceive naturally?” and I answered it in different ways but my general answer was “I DUNNO IT’S JUST BETTER OK!” Eventually, as I began realizing that my reasoning wasn’t as compelling as her passion for the idea of adoption, I told her that instead of going round and round about it, I needed some time to process and think and pray about it. Over the next several days, we talked more openly about it and I really heard her and felt her heart on the issue. I started thinking about it in a different light as the days went by.
TO BE CONTINUED…